Hung Over
by Alice-n-Edna
Summary: Hidan wakes up in the Akatsuki's living room hung over and in bed with two other men. Something had to be wrong here. Oneshot. Hidan/Kakuzu, with other pairings mentioned.


**Hung Over**

(A/N: This is my belated Easter gift to FF! :D My laptop was attacked by an evil virus, so this is late, but luckily I saved my crap with my spiffy new Flash Drive. But since I knew it was tradition to post a fic every Easter, Christmas, and Valentine's day on this site [not really, but for me it is], I still put one up. So, happy belated Easter, everyone! Enjoy the yaoi!)

When Hidan awoke, the first thing he was aware of was pain. He was too groggy to register where any of it was until his head started pounding from the sudden sensation of rushing blood to his brain.

He groaned. His throat hurt like hell.

And his legs. His legs and back were sore, sending sharp pangs up his entire spine.

Gees, what had he _done _last night?

The second thing he noticed was that the muscles of his right hand were clenched. He mentally sent a signal to unclench the muscles, and the next thing he knew, something hit the carpet with a muffled thud.

That was the last thing he noticed. There was carpet, and only one room in the Akatsuki's building had carpet. He was in the living room. And he'd slept on the bed that folded out from the couch. But why?

He looked down with heavy, tired eyes.

A whiskey bottle was on it's side, nestled into the carpet fabric.

_So that's what I dropped,_ he thought, raising his eyebrows.

No wonder he was in the living room. He'd gotten completely wasted and must've crashed on the fold-out bed.

But that didn't explain _why _the bed was out in the first place. He would've just slept on the couch itself under normal circumstances.

It wasn't until he heard a deep inhale to his left that he got worried.

He looked from the floor to his left.

_Tobi?_

Yes, it was definitely Tobi. He was sleeping soundly next to Hidan, completely naked except for his mask slung carelessly across his face. The sheets on the bed only covered his ankles, but came back up to his left side.

Hidan's eyes widened; he shot up to a sitting position, ignoring the jolting pain in his back and head.

_Kakuzu._ Kakuzu was also laying in the bed, the translucent sheets drawn to the middle of his bare chest. One of his arms was resting across his stomach, the other near his head, with the hand of it unconsciously grasping at his tangled black hair.

Hidan cursed aloud. "This isn't happening... This _didn't _happen. This, this...!" He inhaled deeply, which _killed _his head. "Dammit!"

"Shut the hell up, Hidan, un," Deidara's voice hissed from somewhere below him. "I'm trying to sleep, un."

The white-haired man grunted and looked past his feet to the blow-up mattress on the floor at the end of the fold-out.

Deidara and Sasori were tangled within the blankets and each other's limbs upon it, and Sasori was still sleeping.

The former gave Hidan a dirty look before burying his head back in the crook of Sasori's neck.

Hidan's eye twitched.

He'd drank too much. _Way_ too much, he decided. Way waaaay-

"Hidan?" a sleepy voice inquired suddenly. "Ouch! Shit. My head..."

Kakuzu sat up, rubbing his temples.

"Shhh," Deidara mumbled.

Kakuzu groaned through closed lips. "I drunk too much whiskey last night," he said, voicing Hidan's thoughts. He smiled. "You too, eh?"

Hidan blinked. Instead of feeling immensely freaked out, he actually felt...good. Like a hey-this-isn't-such-a-bad-situation kind of good. "Uhm, yeah. I just... I don't remember much..."

Kakuzu chuckled softly, then yawned.

Tobi shuffled between them, subconsciously pressing his mask to his face, but didn't wake up.

The two men looked to their far right, where a recliner in the corner of the room showcased a dozing Kisame with Itachi curled up in his lap. The only thing covering the latter was boxers that looks severely twisted around, and Kisame was just lucky enough to be covered by the Uchiha's sleeping form.

Hidan had to laugh.

"Shut the fuck up." Deidara didn't even bother adding 'un' at the end.

"Sorry, princess," replied Kakuzu with a snarl.

Hidan smirked. The smirk faded into another yawn before he asked, "Where's Zetsu?"

"In the back room with" - Kakuzu yawned again - "Pein and Konan." He pushed the sheets down and swung his feet over the side of the fold-out.

Hidan was pleased to see that Kakuzu, too, was void of clothing. He was also pleased that he didn't feel creeped out by thinking that. Which was odd, but nonetheless comforting.

He ran a hand through his tousled hair and got up from his spot as well. "So," he said once the duo had made their way into the kitchen. "How did all of this happen?"

Kakuzu laughed. "You're an idiot, Hidan."

"What? I just can't remember anything."

"I know, I know." Kakuzu pulled the gallon of milk from the fridge, uncapped it, and took a swig.

"Ew, what if I wanted some of that? I don't want your spit germs in my mouth!"

Kakuzu put the gallon down and gave Hidan a sly look. "If you knew what went in your mouth _last_ _night, _you wouldn't be so concerned about my _spit, _honey."

Hidan's face flushed. "D-does that mean I was...on bottom?"

Another laugh from the opposing side. "Hell yes. Your skinny white ass would never top me."

The white-haired male gaped. "What about Tobi? Please, tell me I at least topped _him!_"

"Sorry, honey."

"St-stop calling me that."

Kakuzu grinned and strode over to Hidan, putting his face not an inch away.

Again Hidan flushed, in both the proximity and the fact that he could feel _everything _from said closeness.

Without even thinking about it, he found his hands traveling up the other man's sides, and tangling into his hair. His breathing turned heavy as Kakuzu lowered his mouth to his neck, blowing until Hidan felt goosebumps raise on his skin.

"I'm sorry..._baby_." Kakuzu smirked and began to kiss Hidan's neck. "Is that...better..._darling?_ Would you...rather be...my...little _uke?_" The former said between licks and bites.

Hidan growled. "I...hate you...uhnn..."

"No, you don't..." Kakuzu chuckled. "You _love _me."

Hidan growled but said nothing as Kakuzu's tongue trailed down his chest. "You love the way I-"

"Before that sentence goes anywhere I'll regret listening to, I have one question."

"If you're the question, I'm the answer, babe." Kakuzu kept going lower.

Hidan, struggling to piece together his thoughts with the sensation of someone's tongue gliding down his stomach, cleared his throat. "How did all of this happen? I mean, what's the _whole _story?"

For a moment, the other man halted, seeming to be thinking hard. "I hate to say it, but I drunk as much whiskey as you, so I don't remember all the details... But I recall Pein having said something about not disturbing him and Konan, Konan nagging at us not to ruin her floor, because she'd just shampooed the carpet... And...um..."

"She said not to ruin the carpet, then you joked around saying that we should all go out of our way to have one big orgy and ruin Konan's floor, un," a sleepy voice from the doorway said.

Kakuzu stood up and stretched leisurely.

Deidara half-smiled, half-scowled and entered the kitchen. "Yeah. Pein laughed, you laughed, I laughed, even stick-up-the-ass Itachi laughed, un. It started as a joke, un. Konan was playing around, picking on Zetsu as seductively as she could, un..." He stopped and laughed, lazily brushing his bangs from his eyes.

"Ahaa, oh, yeah," said Kakuzu, tossing his own hair behind his shoulder with the back of his hand. "Pein whispered something to her, those two took Zetsu into the back room, and Hidan and I started busting out the alchohol."

"Right, un."

"And after that?"

"We all got drunk, chose pairs, and then flipped a coin to decide whether you and Kakuzu got Tobi or Sasori and I did, un."

"What about Itachi and Kisame?" Hidan asked.

"They were already getting busy in the recliner, un. We weren't going to disturb them, un."

Hidan shook his head, ignoring the headache it brought on. "Wow. Well _we _had some fun last night, eh?"

"Oh yeah, un."

All three of them laughed. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm taking a shower, un."

"Not without me, you aren't." The three of them looked up at the doorway, startled by the sudden sound of Sasori's voice.

"That isn't fair, un!" Deidara whined, trying to pull his unruly hair back into a ponytail, only to discover he had no rubber band.

Sasori grinned. "Face it - you're my property now, _uke._"

Deidara's face turned bright red.

Kakuzu laughed. "Amen to that, Sasori." The two air-fived; Sasori yawned.

"Well, I'm off to take a shower," said redhead remarked.

"I don't like you, un," Deidara muttered.

"You don't have to like me to like what I gave you."

Kakuzu and Hidan both _oooh_ed in unison as their blond-haired companion seethed.

Sasori strode into the kitchen casually, pushed Deidara against the wall, and tangled a hand in his hair. "But if you're good, I might let you top when we do this again," he said in a low voice.

Deidara swallowed hard, watching as Sasori turned and left. Before he was out of sight, however, he looked over his shoulder and slowly licked his lips. "You coming?"

"Y-yeah, un." Deidara threw a look in Kakuzu and Hidan's direction, looking both scared and thrilled at the same time.

Hidan flashed him a thumbs-up, and Kakuzu grinned.

Right before Deidara disappeared around the corner, Kakuzu said, "Skeet skeet!"

Hidan laughed as Deidara had a coughing fit.

Then all was quiet again, except the sound of the shower running.

"Now, where were we?" Kakuzu asked, grinning wildly.

Hidan matched his companion's grin. "I think you were down on your knees."

"Getting cocky, are we?"

"No, but you were about to."

"Such a dirty pun, Hidan."

"My specialty."

"I know what _else _your specialty is." Kakuzu rubbed the inside of Hidan's thigh with his thumb. Slowly, he pressed their chests together, and put his mouth next to Hidan's ear. "Taking it in the ass at night."

Hidan went red. "Y-you're terrible."

"I'm more than terrible; I'm incredible. Babe, I had you seeing stars."

Hidan leaned his head back on the wall. "That's nothing compared to what I could do to you."

"Really now?"

"I'd have you writhing so badly _handcuffs _would be in order."

Kakuzu simply made a purring sound, grabbing Hidan's hips tightly and sinking to the floor. "I trust you have some?"

"I have a lot more than cuffs," replied Hidan with a laugh.

Kakuzu chuckled through his nose, smiling widely as his mouth moved closer in.

Right then, Tobi's voice came from the kitchen doorway. "Oh, Tobi didn't mean to interrupt Kakuzu giving Hidan head," the man drawled, yawning with such ardor it was a wonder he didn't bust a blood vessel.

Kakuzu gave a distressed sigh, standing up again. "Tobi," he muttered.

"Hey, Tobi saw it all last night. It doesn't bother Tobi."

"Damn, Tobi sounds smarter half-asleep than when he's awake," Hidan noted in awe. "Or is that the whiskey talking?"

Tobi's one visible eye could be seen rolling behind his mask. "If Tobi were so dumb, why did Tobi top Hidan last night?"

Kakuzu grinned. "Tobi's got a point, Hidan."

Hidan sighed.

The conclusion of their relatively quiet morning came when Konan screeched, "YOU RUINED MY CARPET!"

The trio poked their heads out of the kitchen and watched with much enthusiasm as Itachi and Kisame sprung to life on the recliner, eyes wide.

Thus ended their days of living, thought Hidan.

The lesson in this story: Hidan and Kakuzu never win. Especially Hidan. :D

FIN


End file.
